Ask the Therapist - Questions of the month!
- From: Susan
Subject: Selecting a Mate?
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- I am thinking about getting married soon. What should I do before I
get married?
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- Susan, marriage is a serious step in one's life.
Take a good look at what both of you want in a committed relationship.
Try visioning what the relationship and what you will be like in one year,
five years, and ten years. Have your mate do the same. Then compare visions.
What part of your visions do you share and what part do you not share.
This will trigger some interesting discussions about "who you are",
"who your mate is" and how you both want to grow together. I
also strongly recommend you seek a good pre-marriage therapist that can
help both of you make sure this marriage is right for you. An ounce of
prevention "now" is inexpensive, compared to a costly (both emotional
and financial) divorce later.
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- Good luck
Jackie
- From: Don
- Subject: Relationship
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- I am so heartbroken that I can hardly write this. My dear soulmate
just ended our affair-relationship of 3 yrs. She could not wait for me
any longer to divorce my wife and marry her, it was destroying her health
and her spirit (mine too, and my wife's). I love my soulmate more than
my life or my wife, but I just could not desert (dump) my wife. I tried
for 2 yrs to leave her, but I just couldn't. I love her too, in many ways,
but not like my soulmate. The thought of not being together with my soulmate
ever again is almost unbearable. You must know the complications and hurting
that results from adultery. I can't understand why God did not let
me and my soulmate meet and marry when we were single and free. I believe
that when soulmates meet they cannot help loving each other to the depth
of their souls with all their being. I feel I will die without her, Life
has no more meaning and their is no future. Please, if you will, help me
get through this, I know you have the wisdom to help me.
Don, I can feel your pain that you are expressing
when I read your email. It must be a terrible time for you right now.
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- I am confused about your statement "She
could not wait for me any longer to divorce my wife". A true soul
mate would not make such a demand. A soul mate would support "you"
in your time of trouble and not demand you ignore your feelings of responsibility
you have for you present wife. A true soul mate would wait several lifetimes
to be with you.
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- Adultery is an ethical law based on institutional
beliefs. The conflict you are experiencing may be between what is in your
heart and what is an institution law telling you "should" do.
Institutional laws written by blessed men are guides for your life. But,
remember that your faith comes from within you, not from the outside world.
God is within you; you just need to listen. You sound like you are confused
about what your mind is telling you and what your heart want you to do.
You are struggling with the question of do what your mind is telling you,
"live what you have learned" or what your heart is saying to
do "learn by living." Your answer to happiness will come when
you bring these two parts of you together so they are congruent.
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- The meaning of life is more then being in love
with one person. It is being in love with life and sharing all you are
with everyone you know and meet. You have opened your heart to this women,
open it to all people. Look inside yourself and see your uniqueness that
you can share with everyone and anyone.
- I hear you saying you have deep feeling for this
woman. However, if she is your soul mate, your spirit energies will never
be apart from hers even if you are not together in body. You are very
fortunate to have met such a person. Most people go through life never
meeting such a person with whom they can "love to the depths of their
souls." You have truly been blessed. Cherish your blessing and move
on with your life.
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- I hope I was helpful.
Jackie
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